Edith and Javier Viloria are MODG parents who have been happily married for 17 years. In this interview, they share how they came to the decision that they were called to the vocation of marriage and offer some advice for anyone who is struggling in their discernment.

What steps did you go through to discern marriage as your vocation?

Edith: When I was 16 or 17, I was invited to a silent retreat during the Triduum with the Teresian sisters. It was the best retreat I had ever been to then. I had a lot of quiet time with God surrounded by natural beauty. For a moment I thought, “I could stay here forever.” And then I remember, during prayer thinking, I think my ultimate goal is to be a wife and have children.

So you’ve always known that you wanted to become a mom?

Yes, since I was in middle school, I envisioned myself being a missionary with my husband and having our four children following behind. Hence what attracted me to [Javier], he told me he was a missionary. That, and his good looks.

Javier: Well, growing up, it was the natural progression of life. You’re born, you grow up,…you get married, and you have kids.

Were there any tools that specifically helped you in your discernment?

Yes, the Discernment Rules of St. Ignatius of Loyola were a pivotal tool to discern between two very good things: marriage and being a Jesuit priest.

Did you ever seriously consider entering the religious life or single life?

Edith: Not the single life. Religious life just for a little, maybe like a month at most, but not really.

Javier: Yes, I did. First consideration happened in 9th grade. My algebra teacher, Brother Marcus, FSC, opened up the idea that anybody could become a [religious] brother. And that was my first consideration, I was drawn to it. And then it happened again when I was 16 years old, under the spiritual guidance of Fr. Florentino Ascoitia, SJ.

How did you finally discern that marriage was what God was calling you to? Was it a gradual conclusion over time or was there a specific moment when it just clicked?

Edith: …I think after going to that come and see retreat, I was pretty convinced that I didn’t want to do that because I wanted to be a mom. Even though that retreat was great; I still talk about it to this day.

Javier: I had a really long discernment process. I was told all my life that I’d make a great dad and a great husband. In a world that’s in need of great dads, I thought that it would be my duty to be a father. I was corrected by the Jesuits saying, “Because you could be a great dad and a great husband, that’s exactly why you’d be a great priest.” The idea was that men that we want in priesthood roles [are] men of quality who would make great dads, great husbands, great businessmen…responsible men, that’s who we want in the priesthood. So that battle prolonged my discernment process. It was a gradual discernment until, after years of [consideration], another good friend of mine, a priest, put a salt shaker and a pepper shaker in front of me and said, ‘You have two really good choices in front of you, and you’ve been looking at them for years. Pick one, offer it to God, and never look back again.’

So I chose to visit the [Jesuit] novitiate in the Dominican Republic as part of my year long discernment process with the Jesuits. After that visit I was expected to enter less than a month later, on July 31st. I came back, I prayed some more about it, and decided not to enter.

After I wrote the letter and said no, I received the consolation of my decision when I met Edith, less than a month later in August.

How long after you two met did you know that this was the person you wanted to marry?

Edith: I think for me it was gradual because when I first met him, I didn’t know if he liked me. I didn’t think he liked me, I thought he was too good to be true. Meeting him was a catalyst for me to break up with my ex, because I realized there was actually someone out there that I could see myself with, that I could envision myself marrying and being happy with.
I had been through a lot of emotional and psychological abuse in my previous relationship, so I had a lot of healing to do. And that happened, believe it or not, through my relationship with [Javier], where I learned that there are actually really good men out there and that I was worthy of being his wife. And then when I accepted that I was like, ‘Well, we’d better get married, because otherwise, what are we doing?’

Javier: Almost immediately. [To go deeper on what Edith said,] I was raised in the Dominican Republic, so when you have a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend with the purpose of getting married. The [American] culture of dating was foreign to me. There’s only one way of dating in my head, which is you date the person you want to marry. So that’s your girlfriend, your girlfriend is the person you want to marry. I wouldn’t have asked [Edith] to be my girlfriend if I didn’t know I wanted to marry her.

What is your advice for people who are discerning marriage or who are just feeling stuck in their discernment?

Edith: I would say go before the Blessed Sacrament, now in hindsight, and put them both in front of Jesus and ask where He wants you. Don’t entertain relationships that you really don’t think would be a good idea. Don’t date someone because you’re bored. It’s not going to end well. Date someone if you realize that, ‘this is the person I’ve always wanted to be with and I didnt know he existed.’

Javier: My advice is to look at both options as two very good options, and to follow the discernment rules of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Looking at everything in hindsight, it is clear to me that the hand and the grace of God were guiding our steps. The timing was right; if I had met [Edith] sooner, I would have been a different person, very immature. The timing was right.